Monday, April 1, 2013

The Problematic Posterior

     So my cousin is a personal trainer. Not the spot you at the gym type, he's the headset mic while wearing a spandex riding suit teaching 5am spin-warrior class type. After my first yoga class (that's another story) he told me about a woman that contacted him about some booty shaping help. When she came in for the consultation. He noticed she was fit and her butt was firm, naturally lifted, almost sculpted. She was a single professional type, she oozed corporate, sans the stuffy conservatism.  Pretty, healthy, smart, single, shapely, but that was just it. In her mind, her shape had crossed the line.
     She told him although she eats well and exercises regularly she can't seem to shrink her butt, and if she loses weight it actually looks bigger. He tells me usually this is followed by some talk of how it effects the way dresses hang, problems when buying jeans or just annual vacation season, but this was different. She was happy with the aesthetics. It was what image she thought it projected.  She said, guys that are compelled to talk to me because of the size or shape of my butt are usually not my type of guys. Sure I meet my share of normal guys when I'm in surroundings with like-minded people, but what does that really say. I have to be at work to meet a good guy? And in public I'm wolf bait? She wondered if her body made men think she would only be attracted to the type of guy who is mesmerized by an amazing booty. It is kind of just out there, and we know who goes for that first. "It makes me feel like that's all that I am" she says. "So let's just tone it down a little. See what happens." Really?
     I didn't know how to feel. I always thought that a smart single black dude was like a commodity. My theory always was, since so many black men are in jail or dead it gives the rest of us better odds at women that are open to the prospect of dating black guys. It always seemed good on paper. But I never thought about the way the aforementioned effected my odds. She probably side-eyes all black dudes or at least not seem to be as nice to some after dishing out countless rejections. Being black, whenever you meet a non-hood affiliated woman her eyes read you differently. Innately she racially profiles you. Is this a nice guy?  Maybe he's being nice so he can mug me in the parking lot later?  I know he want's something, he can't just be regular. I know, I know all smart women do that to all men. Justifiable or not, black male intentions are held to a different level of scrutiny than other guys. It takes a little longer to accept that we may just be a regular guy.
     Is this my theory's equal and opposite reaction? There is definitely a larger pool to choose from. Now we have to overcome the image of the dudes that made the numbers so lopsided to begin with. There's always something. The apprehensiveness is understandable for women towards any guy nowadays. But when you get women, black women that want to physically alter their shape as to not attract black guys that becomes kind of problematic. What if the training doesn't do it. Is surgery an option? Her conviction did seem to suggest it but I'd be speculating. Still the effort it takes to re-mold ones body is huge. And doing it to ward off the advances of posterior admirers who in her experiences happen to be black hood-wolves is a statement, and not a good one for the home team. I still got the impression from not being there that it was the guys who were wrong, not their affinity for booty. I bet if she met a man she liked who liked bodies like hers it would be ok.  I feel kind of bad for her, but worse for me. Even if I'm not the guy she's avoiding it still lowers my percentage with her at least sub-consciously. It's rejection evolved into a reflex. Eliminating black guys as a viable breeding option. Ok that might be a little wrong. But the whole thing seems kind of wrong.
 Right?
   
   
 

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